


Wise Up

by amaradangeli



Series: Live & In Color [6]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-20
Updated: 2006-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-05 03:36:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12786093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaradangeli/pseuds/amaradangeli
Summary: "He's told me that after a few drinks it all starts to go away."





	Wise Up

It's been a hell of a fight tonight, I'll give her that. I've had reservations all along. I knew from the beginning that this thing wasn't going to be what she thought it was going to be. See, I'm broken and I know it and she's a compulsive fixer. The trouble is I don't want to be fixed. But she got what she wanted and now she hates me for it.

I don't think I ever made it clear to her exactly how much I love her. She's vital to my existence. Here lately I haven't made it a priority to show her I love her. Unless you count launching a scotch glass at her a few nights ago. I missed her by four feet or so. But the trouble is, I intended to hit her with it. And I would have had I not been so drunk.

Even as mad at her as I've been, as mad as she's insisted on making me, she doesn't deserve that. More than that, I deserve to be alone. This way that I am now, I deserve to be alone. But, being this way that I am now, I can't end it. It's got to be her because I'm just not strong enough. And damn it, I really do love her.

~*~

I know he thinks that drinking himself into oblivion is going to make him feel better. He's told me that after a few drinks it all starts to go away. But it's beginning to take more and more fingers of scotch to get him out of his head. Tonight I managed to catch him after half of his first glass and I tore into him like my survival depended on it. And, thinking back to the glass smashing incident, I guess it does.

Finally, after a lot of yelling the wind falls out of my sails. I make a final plea. "You think that it's helping, but it's not Josh. The drinking might take away the stress of the moment, but it always comes back. And that, that's not going to stop until you wise up." I pause and look at him, this is important and I'm trying to drive my point home because I'm lost without him, I love him so much.

"Figure out what it is that you need. Think about it long and hard. Make a list. Find out whether or not I'm on it." This chokes me up. "Because if I'm not. I mean, if I'm really not, if I'm making things worse for you – you have to tell me." I can't stop the tears that roll down my face and he looks hurt and scared and that makes me cry harder. "And, when you find out what it is, whatever it is we'll make it happen – together."

I have this fear I don't share with him. I fear that it's not going to stop, no matter what. But I'll do my best to help even if it means I have to leave. He has to wise up. Because…because if he doesn't I fear that he'll just give up.

**Author's Note:**

> Wise Up – Aimee Mann
> 
>  
> 
> It's not what you thought  
> When you first began it  
> You got what you want  
> Now you can hardly stand it though  
> By now you know it's not  
> Going  
> to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> 'til you wise  
> up
> 
> You're sure there's a cure  
> And you have finally found it  
> You think one drink  
> Will shrink you 'til  
> You're underground and living down  
> But it's  
> not going to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> 'til you wise up
> 
> Prepare a list of what you need  
> Before you sign away the deed  
> 'cause  
> it's not going to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> It's not going to stop  
> 'til you wise up
> 
> No it's not going to stop
> 
> 'til you wise up  
> Now it's not going to stop  
> So just give up


End file.
